RHOC Season 10 Episode 2

This episode opens with Heather entering a cake shop to meet with a cake decorator, one with whom she has worked before. She is celebrating the official launch of her sparkling wine in Napa, and she wants a cake made to look like the bottle for the occasion. The wine is named “Collette” after her daughter. Heather also makes it a point to call her line “sparkling wine”, not “champagne”, because something can only be called “champagne” if it comes from the certain region in France… And before you call me “Fancy-pants”, I will tell you that I only know that because I love wine, and I am a Francophile… Apparently this is the same cake decorator that made the infamous bowed cake for Heather’s name changing party. There is a flashback to the bow-eating incident, but disappointingly, they did not include the iconic “Is this the world we live in?” scene.

Shannon and David are still at the retreat, and Shannon shares some divorce statistics with us including the fact that in the OC, the divorce rate is 70%. Shannon does not want to be part of this percentage. However, Shannon clearly thought seriously about divorce if she did enough research to find out these statistics. As part of the retreat Shannon and David write their own eulogies for the other to read at their mock funerals. These mock funerals were complete with black cloths and headstones. I know the point of the exercise was to get the two of them to think about what a life without the other would be like, and I’m sure it’s effective, but it’s also very morbid… David reads what Shannon has written, and he starts crying. Shannon says David never cries, so she has hope that this experience will help them move past the affair.

Next we see Tamra and Heather meet for juice… That’s right… juice. Now that juice bars are en vogue, I guess that’s what people do… Tamra says Heather is the only one in the group she trusts right now, yet last week when we saw Tamra have surgery, she tried to garner viewer pity and said she wasn’t close with anyone… Heather tells her about the party in Napa for the wine launch and that all of the girls will be there. Tamra reacts badly to the fact that she will be forced to socialize with Lizzie. Heather says if she and Shannon can be cordial, then so can Tamra and Lizzie. Out of nowhere, Tamra starts to fake cry, and even Heather seems not to believe it, asking why she is about to start crying… Tamra says that she lost herself, and Heather says she will help Tamra get back what she has lost.

At the retreat the therapist asks Shannon and David if their kids know about the affair. Shannon divulges that one of her daughters found the texts between David and his mistress on his cell phone while he had moved out of the house. The therapist tells them that in cases of infidelity the fear is that the one cheated on will never truly forgive the cheater. However, Shannon and David claim that they want to move past this, and they take the final steps to truly and sincerely apologize for what happened. The therapist says it can take up to 2 years for forgiveness to become fully realized, but I ask does one ever really get over infidelity? There will always be doubt and suspicion acting like poison in the marriage. I hope the best for them, but it will not be quick or easy. In leaving the retreat, Shannon says she has 100% forgiven David.

So far the juxtaposition of the two strained marriages this season is very interesting. Shannon and David are recognizing their issues and trying to work on them, but Meghan and Jim seem to be ignoring the clear issues they are having. We see Meghan and Jim shopping to redecorate their house, the one that Jim and his second ex-wife built and decorated together. Meghan wants to buy all new things, but Jim feels they should not buy things that they already have. Jim doesn’t seem to want to get rid of the old stuff, but I don’t think he realizes that in keeping things the same as they were in his old marriage, he’s keeping around old memories and not allowing Meghan to make her own memories and stamps on his life… Jim is leaving for work in another part of the country, and Meghan is worried about the stress it will put on their marriage. Jim does not seem concerned and says that Meghan has new friends now to keep her occupied… Is anyone else having flashbacks to Camille and Kelsey Grammer?

Shannon and David get home from the retreat, and as part of the forgiveness process, David apologizes individually to his three daughters. Of course the three girls forgive him, and the eldest daughter makes a very mature statement saying that she will never forget, but she will forgive him.

Tamra and Eddie are making dinner, and Vicki calls while she is in Mexico. Vicki says Mexico makes her think of Tamra… Tequila and regret makes Vicki think of Tamra, really? I would have never guessed… Tamra passive-aggressively suggests that she’s surprised that Brooks can travel while on chemo, and Vicki says that he’s doing fine right now, and Eddie coughs “bulls**t” in the background… Tamra blames all of their problems on Brooks, but changes her tune later when she’s talking to Vicki face to face… Vicki invites them to a Mexican themed party at her house, and Tamra says she is taking that as an apology. I’m not sure what Vicki needs to apologize to Tamra for, but whatever makes her feel better…

Jimmy and Meghan go to Heather’s house so the couples can go to Vicki’s party together. Heather is very relieved that this will be the first time the ladies get together as a group. This will be a test-run for the Napa trip. Meghan is nervous to meet Vicki, as she should be, but she must not know much about Vicki, as she also expects Vicki to be nervous to meet her. Vicki is so used to meeting and hating the new housewives who seem to come and go very quickly, there is no way she is nervous to meet Meghan.

Vicki’s party is in full swing when Tamra and Eddie arrive. Despite how upset Tamra was to hear that Lizzie was invited on the Napa trip, she acted completely unfazed when the two of them spoke for a while at Vicki’s party. Vicki and Tamra exchange some awkward moments including Vicki basically shoving a piece of fish down Tamra’s throat. When Shannon enters the party, she walks right past Tamra to Vicki without acknowledging Tamra or even looking at her… Brooks tells Tamra that his cancer is “highly curable”, and he seems to have a good and positive attitude about the situation. Tamra asks him about some specifics about his chemo, and he gives a very vague and uniformed answer. He is not making himself look good with regard to the notion that the cancer might not be real.

Tamra sees Jeana enter the party, and she runs over to hug her… They seem to have come a long way since Tamra threw red wine in Jeana’s face… Tamra also took this opportunity to greet and hug Shannon who was standing right next to Jeana. Shannon of course was surprised at the unwelcomed hug and was very short with Tamra… Jeana has lost a lot of weight and looks fantastic. Tamra tells us that she and Jeana are in a better place now because Jeana was there as moral support for Tamra while she was going through custody battles, a job she thought Vicki would handle.

Vicki tries covertly to compliment the “aura” of romance surrounding Shannon and David, suggesting that they seem to be in such a great place. If I were Shannon, I would be mad at Vicki for bringing unwanted attention to the relationship. Shannon has not told anyone else about David’s infidelity, and by Vicki randomly pointing out that they’re happy and in love, it would make one who knows nothing about the affair ask, “Well why wouldn’t they be? What’s going on in their marriage?” And you can tell Shannon does experience some of these feelings by her fake smile, which Lizzie sees right through.

In a short scene of Brooks discussing his new diet with Tamra, he says he eats a lot of beans. This sparks a conversation on farting… I could have done without that, Bravo editors… Thank you so much…

 I should take this opportunity to talk about Katie Hamilton. She was reported to be the newest housewife on RHOC this season, but midway through filming, her husband blindsided her with divorce, and we later found out that he was allegedly using drugs. These devastating life events caused Katie to stop filming and pull out of her housewife slot. While this is extremely sad for Katie and her kids, it is also somewhat sad for us as viewers. From the little we see of Katie in this episode, I think she would have been an excellent addition to the show. She seems refreshingly real in her personality. But I’m sure we all understand that under those circumstances, anyone would need to pull herself from public eye and become a little reclusive. I believe I saw someone say on Twitter that Katie would have been the new Alexis of RHOC… Sure… They’re the exact same, oh yeah except Katie seems intelligent…and real…and not pretentious…do I need to continue?

Heather, Meghan, and Katie arrive at the party, and Meghan introduces herself to Vicki as if they had never met, but Vicki remembers immediately that she had met Meghan before. Meghan then moves on to greet Shannon. Shannon replies with a, “Nice to meet you,” and Meghan simultaneously says, “Nice to see you,”… Awkward!... Meghan then seems almost offended that Shannon does not remember meeting her last year at Heather’s hoedown, yet she seemed to expect that Vicki would not remember meeting her… Strange… Anyway, Shannon clearly does not remember Meghan at all, yet Meghan seems convinced that Shannon dislikes her for flirting with David at the hoedown. All I can say is Meghan needs to get over herself. Shannon has more important things to worry about than the existence of Meghan Edmonds. Considering David’s infidelity, Shannon probably remembers David flirting, but she more than likely doesn’t remember the recipient of the flirting.

Last year Vicki was hiding her relationship with Brooks and almost seemed ashamed of it, but this year he is with her constantly and has even moved in with her. Heather suggests that it is Brook’s illness that has caused them to realize that they need to celebrate their times together because life is so precious, fleeting, and all that sappy stuff… While this is probably very true and valid, I think there is another underlying reason that is more salient to Vicki, and that is Brianna. Last year Brianna was still living in the OC, and she had a small child with another one on the way. Vicki is very much about family, and she wanted to spend as much time with them as she could. Since Brianna does not like Brooks in the slightest, Vicki knew that if she wanted to spend time with her child and grandchild, she would have to make Brooks secondary…or really tertiary because we all know that Vicki’s work comes right after her children in order of importance.

Heather congratulates Vicki on her winning an award, which is why she will not be going to Napa with the ladies. Shannon is quick to express her displeasure with this. She is not happy to be basically alone with Heather and Tamra, but right now she is all about forgiving and moving on, so she’s going to give it a shot.

As an aside, I must say that watching drunk women try to break open a piñata while wearing Louboutins in grass is incredibly entertaining. Bravo needs to jump on that idea quickly…but I want a piece of the profits… Lizzie and Shannon notice that Tamra and Vicki are holding hands, and Shannon tells Vicki later that she was surprised by that considering that Vicki said she was done with Tamra. Shannon says that she can move on too, but she doesn’t think that needs to involve holding hands.

Before the party ends, the ladies gather together to take a tequila shot, which is appropriate since this is the first time the whole group of them has been together. I have to point out though, that Heather is seen pretending to take the shot, but turns and pours it out. Honestly, I would have done the same thing, but she better hope that Vicki doesn’t see that…

After everyone else leaves, Tamra and Vicki have a sit down to discuss the constant up and down of their friendship for the past few years, and I must say as a viewer, it’s starting to get exhausting and episodic. At the beginning of every season they make up, then by the season finale and reunion, they’re screaming at each other and proclaiming that they’re “done”. It’s getting a little old… Tamra brings up that she has been going through a hard time, but Vicki doesn’t let that fly. She starts reading off a litany of issues she has been facing, the last of which is Brooks and his cancer. She makes it seems a lot worse than Brooks did during his conversation with Tamra earlier. Vicki throws around phrases like “fighting for his life” and “stage 3 cancer”, very serious things. Tamra says the turning point was the party at Heather’s where they had their first big fight about Brooks and people were throwing around the “evil eye”… Tamra says she wants to move on, but it seems that trust is completely gone between the two of them. Tamra says that she will take 100% of the blame if that’s what it takes to move forward. She is sorry that she ever doubted the relationship between Brooks and Vicki. They both say they are not ready to give up on their friendship, so they are officially burying the hatchet. Recall that earlier in the episode Tamra blamed all of their problems on Brooks. Now that she is face to face with Vicki, Tamra changes her tune. The problems started with Brooks, but she is now taking all of the blame. That was a quick blame shift… Who buys that these two will ever be back to what they had pre-Brooks? Yeah, me neither…

RHOC Season 10 Episode 1

I don’t know about you guys, but I am ecstatic that RHOC is back. I have always said that RHOC is the best in the franchise. I have never been disappointed with any season. Even the casting is terrific. All of the housewives, past and present, have been entertaining in one way or another. I certainly cannot say that about other shows in the franchise…I’m looking at you Kristen of RHONY… So far, and from the trailer, this season looks like it will not disappoint. RHOC is a prime example of the rule that the original is always better than the imitations.

Of course we start the season off with my favorite housewife of all time: Heather Dubrow. Heather is in the throws of building a new resort house complete with a porte-cochère, which is just the fabulous name for a drive up entrance, or as I called it in the south, “a carport”. The house is huge and beautiful, and I do not think I can adequately express the level of my jealousy. One day I will have my own, one day. Even the children’s rooms are larger than my entire apartment. Heather’s son’s room has what Terry calls a “pot-smoking balcony”. Of course the son pretended to have no idea what his father was talking about, but let’s face it—the kid isn’t stupid, and he goes to school and lives in southern California…he knows what pot is… Heather says that Terry is working more than he ever did even though he said last season that he would be able to dedicate more time to his family. I’m gonna cut Terry some slack here. When he made that promise, he had no idea that he would be part of a second very successful show, Botched, which I’m sure takes up a lot of his time.

Next we see Vicki and Shannon having lunch. I may have been the only one, but these two ladies with their librarian glasses perched half-way down their noses and the bickering over whether or not to include dressing on the salad was highly amusing to me. I think it’s these little touches that the editors keep in that take the show to another level of entertainment… Vicki tells Shannon that Brooks has moved into her house, and Brianna isn’t happy about it. Vicki also makes a comparison between her relationship with Brooks and the relationship that Shannon and David have. Vicki says that the two of them seem better than ever, but Shannon’s face says differently. We will get to that later though…

Is it surprising to anyone that Tamra wants her implants put back in? I didn’t think so… When she had them taken out, it seemed that she was over the vanity and wanted to be herself now that she was divorced from Simon. In fact, it seemed like she was insinuating that the only reason she ever got implants was because Simon liked big breasts. Now she wants them back because she is yet again insecure. I honestly don’t think Tamra needs the implants, but if she thinks it will make her happy, more power to her… Tamra says she didn’t tell anyone that she was having the surgery, not even her good friend Heather. With regards to last season, Tamra says that she was being honest, and no one liked it. So she has decided that now she is going to tell people “what they want to hear”. I call BS on this for two reasons. First of all, she was not being honest last season. She never owned up to the lie she told Shannon about the Dubrows saying that they wanted to “take the Beadors down”. I don’t think Heather or Terry would ever say such a thing, and I don’t think that Shannon would make it up either. So the only conclusion is that Tamra lied. Second, I don’t buy for one second that Tamra is going to tell people “what they want to hear”. That is not in her personality. Tamra is the pot stirrer; she would be a pot stirrer whether she were on or off camera. We’ll see how the season progresses… As Tamra waits in the recovery room, wearing fake eyelashes and putting on lip-gloss, she says she regrets not telling anyone about the surgery. Now she has no one, except Eddie of course, to visit her in the recovery room.

This season there is a new housewife, Meghan Edmonds. We actually saw Meghan and her husband, Jim, last season at Heather’s hoedown/ground breaking party. So evidently Meghan is a friend of Heather’s, and for her first scene as an official housewife, we see Meghan and Heather at dinner. Meghan is clearly quite young with great skin, but she tells Heather that she needs Botox. Really? She has no signs of wrinkles. I’m in my late 20s and I’m getting crow’s feet already, and I don’t talk about getting Botox yet…unless I’m drunk…  Meghan says she wants more kids, but Jim has had a vasectomy, so they would need to use in-vitro. Meghan says that Heather is the optimal mother and wife, and honestly, I cannot disagree based on everything we are shown on the show. Meghan also tells us that she broke all of her rules by marrying Jim… Uh oh… As an avid reality TV viewer, those words set off warning signals for me. Trouble may be on the horizon.

Next we see Vicki and Brooks at home getting ready to have some dinner. We are officially told that Brooks has cancer, but as has been teased in the trailer, that topic seems to be the discussion of debate throughout the season. Brooks wants to eat a lot of things that he’s not supposed to, but Vicki, true to form, protests. Brooks is apparently going through chemo, which makes him ill for weeks on end. If that is the truth, then surely Brooks does have cancer. I don’t think Vicki would go along with a lie that big and disturbing. What reason would she have for doing so? However, Brianna believes Brooks is lying about the cancer because he doesn’t look like a person with cancer. I’m intrigued to see where this storyline goes.

In her first solo scene, we learn some things about the new housewife, Meghan. She and her husband have moved “6 times”. She then goes on to list the moves, and I’m pretty sure I counted 8… So counting is not her forte… Meghan says that Jim “knows [her] soul”. He understands her feelings and where she’s coming from; he respects her… However, those crafty and shady editors strike again! These kind statements she is making about her respectful and loving husband are juxtaposed with scenes of him acting in the exact opposite manner; that is, we see him talking rudely to her and disrespecting her. Meghan says she wants to go to dinner “as a family”, to which her stepdaughter replies, “that’s an obscure term”… It’s clear that the stepdaughter views this marriage as a joke. Meghan is closer in age to the stepdaughter than to Jim. At dinner we learn that Jim has misplaced his wedding ring, but he doesn’t seem interested in finding it… More warning signs… Things are not looking good for these two, and it’s only the first episode.

From one dysfunctional marriage to another, we see Shannon and David who seem to be struggling in their marriage as well. They are on their way to a couple’s retreat, and Shannon is fearful that this will stir up old emotions. During the retreat Shannon brings out that David had had an affair. As if that were not bad enough, David was apparently Gaslighting Shannon, making her feel like she was crazy for suspecting something. But Shannon found hotel receipts in his briefcase, and she asked him one last time if he were being unfaithful. David finally admitted to it. During the couple’s retreat, there is an exercise in which they have to write the highs and lows of their lives. I didn’t catch it the first time, but when I rewatched the episode, I realized something quite disturbing in my opinion. During the exercise, David speaks about and writes that the affair was both a high point and low point for him. If David still views his affair as a good thing in his life, he is probably not remorseful that it happened. That suggests to me that he might cheat again. Nothing about that is okay… Shannon hopes to say one day that these experiences were a blessing. I hope so too, Shannon, but I am doubtful. I knew last season that something was not right between them, and that they were hiding something from the cameras. It seems this might have been it.

Vicki and Brooks are taking a trip to Mexico to get away and relax. On their way to the airport Vicki has a phone conversation with her mother. Vicki says she’s loud, obnoxious, and funny like her mother. I agree completely, and that is why we love both of them. This scene was incredibly sad and beautiful at the same time. We know that Vicki’s mother has since passed away, and surely that scene was hard for Vicki to watch. I wish her the best, and she should take solace in the fact that she has great memories of her and her mother together captured forever on this show.

Tamra steals Heather’s hoedown theme, and does a mediocre job at it, for a baby shower for Sarah and Ryan. Tamra’s dress was tragic, but not as tragic as Lynne’s brown jumpsuit… I will say it is great to see Lynne. Other than her outfit choice, she looks great. She got divorced from her husband, Raquel had a baby, and she has become “revirginized”… TMI, Lynne!... Tamra says that she and Vicki are not close anymore; they’re still fighting after last year. The only time they’ve really talked was when Vicki called her about Brooks’ cancer. Tamra says she wishes Vicki were at the baby shower to celebrate with her. Tamra also says she is keeping quiet this year; she’s not going to be talking about anyone’s business. Again, I’ll believe it when I see it…

Back at the couple’s retreat, Shannon says there was infidelity in her family as a child. She had to keep secrets and act like nothing was going on. She says she needed more unconditional love and a present father, and she is afraid her kids will go through the same thing. Shannon’s kids found out about the affair even though Shannon wanted to keep it from them. This is most likely the reason why Shannon and David are discussing the affair this season and did not discuss it last season. I have a feeling the kids found out about it in between seasons, so there was no reason to keep it a secret anymore. While it’s a heart-breaking thing, I think it’s good that Shannon is putting it all out there this season. She will get even more support from fans than she did before.

Season 10 of RHOC is off to a great start, and next week we will see Vicki and Tamra get into it. Is this the end of their long-standing friendship? We will see…

RHOMelbourne Season 2 Episode 6

This episode begins at some sportsball event… Chyka’s company is catering part of the event, and Janet, Gamble, and Pettifleur meet her there. Apparently Gamble, being from Sydney, is representing the wrong sportsball team in Janet’s opinion, but she doesn’t want to start a fight and says, “I’m not going there…” Janet also says that things should be pleasant today since Gamble’s watchdog, Gina is not there.

We then see a phone call between Lydia and Jackie. Lydia asks Jackie what exactly happened the night of the chef’s party when she told off Gamble and Gina. At the party, Lydia seemed okay with what happened. However, she either let it fester and piss her off, or she sees an opportunity to start some drama and solidify some more airtime. Either way, Lydia is not happy with Gamble. Lydia walks up to join the other ladies, and she is drinking water, not champagne, which Janet very loudly points out. Gamble inserts her foot into her mouth, but not before she can ask if Lydia is pregnant. Lydia replies, “I wish I was, but no. Are you?... Cheers to your dogs, not babies…” I have to hand it to Lydia that was a quick and clever retort… The topic of Barbie nicknames comes up again, and Lydia refuses to accept hers. Janet says Chyka’s should be Slither Barbie since she was able to slither out of the trouble with Gamble. You can’t fault Chyka for playing the Housewives game and playing it well.

Gamble asks the other ladies about the trip to Sydney. Chyka and Lydia will not be going, and Janet’s feigned excitement is a bit too much for me. During the trip, the ladies will be going to an art gallery where Gamble apparently works/worked. Pettifleur asks Gamble about her “work” at said art gallery. She says she was just trying to find out what Gamble does for work, but Gamble seemed annoyed by the very simple and harmless question. Gamble decides to give payback and asks Pettifleur about one of her business ventures and if her husband had any part in it. Pettifleur insists that she did all of the work herself, and she knew exactly what Gamble was shadily insinuating.

Lydia tells Gamble that she needs to talk to her. Maybe for once, the ladies will not make a scene and talk privately… What am I talking about? Of course not, and thank God! We want the drama! Instead of separating themselves from the group, Lydia starts right in on Gamble, saying that she was upset that Gamble was smiling and smirking during her emotional story at the party. Gamble claims she was laughing at Rick’s face who apparently hates weddings, part of the topic of conversation… Hold on, didn’t Rick just ask Gamble to marry him? Hmm… Gamble is shocked that Lydia thought she was laughing the death of a child. Gamble does apologize, and she says she likes Lydia, but the next time Lydia starts to make a “speech”, Gamble is running for the hills… Can we get that in writing?

Janet pulls Pettifleur aside to talk to her about the Sydney trip. Janet says she is going to “enemy camp”, and she is glad Pettifleur is coming with her. Yet just five minutes ago, we witnessed Janet professing how much she can’t wait to go to Sydney. I can’t even with Janet and her fakeness… Pettifleur is tired of the Janet-Gamble saga, and I cannot agree more. Janet calls Gamble a firecracker who can go off at any minute, which is disconcerting to her… But I think Janet is just afraid that at her age she’ll wet herself from the shock. Maybe she should invest in some Depends while she is around Gamble. Someone give her Lisa Rinna’s phone number.

Gamble is packing for her Sydney trip, and she decides to pack three outfits per day. Is it safe to say that Gamble is high maintenance?... She thinks they’re going to have a great time. I don’t buy it… She knows her family is not going to treat Janet kindly. Rick says Gamble needs to get over the drama, and that women hold on to things too much; they’re too emotional… While that’s an exaggeration and a bit sexist, if certain women were not this way, we wouldn’t have the Real Housewives. And my life would be less complete…

Jackie and Chyka meet to talk about throwing Gamble a “hen’s party”, which I assume is the Australian term for a “bachelorette party”. Jackie wants to bring strippers to the party, a staple of a bachelorette party. Chyka is afraid it may offend Gamble by bringing to the surface the stripper rumor again, plus she thinks it’s not classy. But Jackie claims that a stripper who shakes his ass, not his cock, is classy…

Gina, Janet, and Pettifleur meet Gamble at a hotel room in Sydney. They are getting ready to go to an art gallery party for Charles Billich. Pettifleur recites a litany of facts about the artist, and Gina jokingly asks if Pettifleur Googled him. Pettifleur says she knows how to do her research, and she seems a little insulted by Gina’s question… Gina says Janet has come a long way with Gamble, but she thinks it’s just a poker face, but she doesn’t know if it’s a natural talent or a cosmetic one…

The ladies go to the art gallery party where they make idle chit-chat with the artist and various socialites. Gamble introduces the girls to her sister, Tempest (an apt name for what is coming…). Tempest is calmly talking about some plastic surgery that she is planning to have done, and then out of nowhere, she starts attacking Janet about the “lies” she “made up” about Gamble. She tells Janet to get some evidence if she is going to say such things. Janet sees that Gamble has told everyone that she was the one who made up the rumors. Janet walks out; she says she doesn’t want to be attacked every time she sees Gamble. Gamble chases Janet out of the gallery to bring her back in, but why? Gamble just stood there while Gamble’s sister was awkwardly tearing into Janet. Gamble should have stopped it… Gina sees Gamble running out and chases both of them down the street. Janet refuses to come back… Back at the gallery, Pettifleur is talking to Tempest and is trying to explain what really happened between Janet and Gamble, but Tempest starts getting nasty with Pettifleur.

Gina and Gamble return to the gallery, and Gina calls Janet to make sure she made it back to the hotel. Gamble makes chicken noises in the background like an immature twelve year old. Gina is being the voice of reason; she seems to be taking up for Janet by telling things like they are/were.

Jackie, Lydia, and Chyka, the three ladies who did not go to Sydney, meet to play croquet and have a picnic in the park. Janet had called and told them the whole story. All three of them assert that Gamble should have stopped her sister from attacking Janet.

The ladies in Sydney go on a boat ride in the harbor, but Janet decides not to go, probably because Gamble’s sister, Tempest, was there. I don’t blame her for that… Gamble says she wishes Janet were there because she wanted everyone to have a good time in her home city, even though less than 24 hours previously Gamble was clucking at Janet over voicemail… Gamble says she should have stopped her sister from attacking Janet, and that she will apologize.

Chyka teaches her son to fry chicken cutlets. Her family is always fun to watch. They are real people not putting on airs. It’s rather refreshing.

Janet decides to lady-up and attend the last dinner in Sydney. Gamble does apologize as soon as she sees Janet. The two of them continue to talk as they sit down at the table. Gina butts into the conversation, and Janet asks her not to; however, it’s not a private conversation. They’re at a dinner table talking in front of everyone. Janet links what she did to Gamble to what Gina did to Lydia in the limo during the first episode bringing up the rumor of Lydia and her husband separating. Gina admits she sees where Janet is coming from. Pettifleur then butts in telling Gina to stop defending Gamble blindly. If Pettifleur were a judge, she says she would go after facts. Since Janet is already arguing with Gina, she then brings up the story that Gina was telling about her flirting with Rick. Gina says that she embellished the story a bit, but we all saw it… It seemed a little flirtatious to me… Gina says she doesn’t gossip, and Janet finds that amusing. Janet proposes they have a pact; the story of the Gamble rumors it is not to be brought up again. They all agree and shake on it… However, they seem to be forgetting there is a little event called the reunion where they discuss everything that happened during the season; they HAVE to talk about it again… Janet looks to be on the verge of tears, and Gina says to her that she has the same type of relationship with her that she has with her partner. It’s tumultuous but long lasting.

Pettifleur says she’s a diamond expert and asks where Gamble’s engagement ring is. Apparently Pettifleur is an expert in everything, even a nickname expert. If that’s the case, why didn’t Gamble consult her before coming up with the Barbie names?... The ladies laugh and roll their eyes at Pettifleur. Gina admits that people often tend to talk over Pettifleur. Gina says Pettifleur is highly strung, and she doesn’t see a friendship between them… It looks like trouble is brewing between these two, and from the preview of the next episode, I’m right… 

RHOMelbourne Season 2 Episode 5

They tried to make us think at the end of last episode that the Janet and Gamble thing was over… Who else is calling “BS”?...

At the beginning of this episode, Pettifleur takes her son Nathan out shopping for a suit. She says the two of them have a great relationship because he listens to everything she says. For his sake, I hope that is false. I am imagining Nathan flipping his inner bitch, and I would imagine that would be confusing for a straight guy… We know how Pettifleur treats sales associates, so I was not shocked when she asked the salesman to give them the tie he was wearing. He of course obliges, but it was a beautiful tie, so I assume he did so under mental duress.

Gina brings Gamble to a fashion event. Gamble says to the cameras that she’s in love, but Gina does not seem to share that sentiment. Gina calls Gamble “a fan”. I must admit I almost choked with laughter at the juxtaposition of these two statements… During the event, Gina presents a dress that she is donating for auction. Gamble puts a bid in for it, but as soon as the price starts to climb, she stops bidding. For once Gamble is not taking advantage of an opportunity to show out for the cameras. Could it be a money issue? It is only now occurring to me considering what comes up later in the episode… The final bid for the dress is made by a gay couple. I wonder what they’re going to do with that dress… Gamble takes the chance to thank Gina for her help with Janet. During her interview, Gina says she is disappointed that Chyka is yet again fence sitting, which Gina claims she did last season as well.

Jackie brings Janet to something called “Cougar Speed Dating”… I guess “The Living Dead Speed Dating” was all booked up… Janet meets some real gems including one who wants to be a “kept man”. The whole time Jackie is standing in the corner telling some poor bystander about her psychic vibes she’s getting from the guys sitting with Janet. Even after meeting all of the guys and claiming that they were all wonderful, Janet decides she doesn’t need a man to complete her.

Later, Pettifleur and Jackie meet for drinks. Jackie gives her a brief recap of what’s going on between Janet and Gamble. Chyka walks in and Pettifleur asks for her input. Pettifleur also claims she has heard that Gamble has been talking badly about her. Jackie and Chyka seem not to know what she is talking about. But eventually they do say that Gamble has called her “nouveau riche”, which they, nor I, think is exactly an insult.

Jackie and Ben are looking for a model to be the face for the La Mascara brand. Jackie says she wants to give someone a shot who might not normally get one. She wants someone with a great personality. As they look at model photos, Jackie can feel their personalities and energies through the photos, which helps the elimination process go quicker. She comes across a male model whom she adores, but Ben refuses to allow a male model to have the job. Jackie says she has the final word, and when she meets the right person, she will instantly feel it.

At Chyka’s chef’s dinner Lydia shows up with a friend, not her husband… Didn’t Gina say during the first episode of the season that there was some rumor that Lydia and her husband were having problems? Curious… The first thing that Janet passive-aggressively says to Gamble is that she’s not flirting with Rick, as she had been accused of before. Chyka’s chef seems to know what he is doing. He is using very showy and modern cooking techniques. He uses liquid nitrogen to freeze meringue and he puts soup in test tubes. It looked interesting. I would eat at his restaurant.

During dinner Lydia begins sharing a sappy moment about her son and his marriage. She started to get emotional about it. Jackie catches Gamble snickering and smirking while Lydia is practically crying, and she calls her out. Gina jumps to her defense and says Gamble was sharing a private moment with her man. In her interview, Gamble admits that she’s physically scared of Jackie… Lydia also shares that she views her son in an extra special way since she lost a child at birth when she was 21. I’m 27, and I can’t imagine going through that at my age, much less at 21. My heart broke for Lydia in that moment… But then I realized my cold heart couldn’t handle that, so I moved on…

Jackie asks Gina how she likes her new living quarters. Gina says she feels it’s a bit haunted. Jackie tells her to sage the place and usher out the bad energy. Gina says if she were haunting a house, she would laugh at someone using sage. She simply doesn’t believe in that kind of stuff. But on a side note, if Gina were a ghost, I hope she would haunt Andrea’s house and constantly leave the bathroom a mess complete with makeup stained towels everywhere…

Gamble apparently has Barbie nicknames for the ladies, and Lydia asks what hers is. Gamble tells her it is “S&M Barbie”. Lydia pretends not to know what that means… Yeah right, Lydia. Yeah right… Pettifleur also asks what hers is, and she is told  “Nouveau Riche Barbie”. Pettifleur starts asking about Gamble’s money and where it came from. Gamble says that “nouveau riche” is not meant as a derogatory term, and that everyone in Sydney, where she is from, is nouveau riche. Then she says that she is from old money. Her father was apparently a successful artist… Hold on… First of all, if everyone in Sydney is nouveau riche, then how is her family “old money”? Also, I would hardly consider money from one prior generation to be “old money”. It seems that she doesn’t want to be labeled “nouveau riche” even though it is “not an insult”… Gamble then says that she has heard that Pettifleur didn’t like her handbag and was talking crap about it. So that’s the only reason she called her “nouveau riche”? To get back at her? She wanted to give a dig for her handbag’s sake… Also, why is Gamble getting so annoyed at Pettifleur for supposedly talking behind her back? Didn’t she ask Janet to do that rather than insult her to her face?... I was highly confused about this whole conversation. Gamble is making absolutely no sense. Gamble also said she heard that Pettifleur was calling her “stupid”. Pettifleur asks her, “Are you?” Gamble responds saying that she has “moments of stupidity”. And Pettifleur retorts with, “Well I don’t…” Another moment of choking laughter. I have to remember not to drink wine while watching this…

After Gamble gets it from Pettifleur, she returns to her seat, and Janet starts in on her. Janet asks Gamble if she really thought she was flirting with Rick. Gamble didn’t really answer the question but opts instead to jump back into the fight that they had buried. Gamble starts getting worked up, but Janet remains calm. Janet claims the reason Gamble was getting upset was because Rick was present, and Gamble had probably told him an exaggerated version of the truth. Janet tries to tell her side of the story, and Gamble keeps butting in getting more and more upset. Rick goes into grandfather fiancé mode and starts chastising her. Gamble says she wants to go home, but Chyka and Rick talk her into staying…

Later Janet meets with Pettifleur to talk about the dinner. Janet says she wonders if Gamble told Rick the real story. Janet also starts talking about Gamble’s money saying that she has none, while she’s pretending to be old money. Pettifleur says she doesn’t know why Gina and Gamble are friends. Janet says that Gina has a reason; everything is very planned when it comes to Gina. So Janet is suggesting that Gina is using Gamble strategically. I hope that is the case; I can’t stand Gamble, and I don’t see how Gina can put up with her idiocy… Janet says if Gina sees a way to “smash” her, she’ll take it.

Chyka and Gamble bring their dogs out to a park. Gamble’s dog starts awkwardly humping Chyka’s dog… Gamble says that Chyka’s dogs are spoiled and that they aren’t show dogs. Am I living in a parallel universe? Neither is Gamble’s!... Didn’t we just see Gamble with a dog trainer? Her dog would do nothing it was told, and we found out that she treats it like a human child! I have to borrow a line from Sarah Winchester… “Is this the world we live in?”… The two ladies talk about the dinner party. Gamble feels no one gets her, so she wants to invite them all to Sydney to see her family… What could possibly go wrong?

RHOMelbourne Season 2 Episode 4

As the last episode concluded, Gina said she would talk to Janet for Gamble. So at the beginning of this episode, we see Janet walking into the restaurant to meet Gina. She seems to think this is going to be a friendly meeting, but she has no idea… During their conversation, Janet insists that Chyka started everything, and that Chyka was talking about the same sexual rumors that Janet brought up. Gina warns Janet that Gamble might take legal action, and she says she doesn’t like how Janet is treating her new friend. Janet says in her interview that she doesn’t believe that Gina truly cares about Gamble. Naïve Janet seems to have had enough, and she walks out mumbling about a deck of cards, clearly making fun of what Gina cleverly told Andrea last season…

After three and a half episodes, my long wait is over. I was wondering when I would see Chyka’s gorgeous husband Bruce, and finally he appears. Chyka and Bruce are planning a racing carnival, but that’s all I recall… The conversation that was taking place was rather boring, and I was too busy looking at Bruce…

Janet and Jackie go shopping for an appropriate golfing outfit. Apparently, there are many rules concerning the attire on the golf course, and Jackie is not happy about it. No denim? Come on… Jackie asks who is coming to the golf course, and Janet tells her about having coffee with Gina. Then the strangest thing starts to happen… Janet pretends to cry… I assume she is pretending because I don’t think Janet’s body, at its age, is capable of producing moisture anymore… Janet says that Gina told her she should have lied about the rumors she had heard about Gamble… Excuse me? I don’t remember Gina saying any such thing… Janet says she intends to put the Gamble issue to bed.

Gina has a photoshoot for some publicity shots, the products of which we have been seeing on Twitter recently. I recognize the fabulous red dress. The photographer apparently works for Playboy, which becomes evident as he flirts shamelessly with Gina. But I don’t blame him. Gina looked hot, but the whole part of her posing on the car was a bit uncomfortable…

Jackie and Ben have dinner with Chyka and Bruce at one of their pop-up restaurants. Jackie says she has to talk to Chyka about Janet; it seems she wants to hear Chyka’s side of the story. Chyka still insists that she was only talking about what was said in the papers, but that Janet brought it to another level with the sexual rumors. They also seem to think that Janet wouldn’t flirt with Gamble’s husband Rick because Janet prefers younger men, but would that necessarily put Rick out of the running? He’s not “young”, but he’s probably younger than Janet.

The day of the golf game has arrived, and Gamble says she doesn’t want to feel beaten, so she decides to join them in golfing. I have a feeling she was pressured into going, however… Chyka and Gamble are the first to arrive at the golf course, and Chyka apologizes for starting the conversation about the rumors. She says she didn’t know that Janet was going to take it that far. I think Chyka knew more than she is letting on, but she’s being smart and strategic about it. I can’t blame her; I would do the same… Gina shows up at the golf course in pumps and a dress… I’m having tennis flashbacks from last season… She says she has a TV appearance after the golf game is over. Janet says it will be hilarious to watch Gina try to golf in a dress… So this time Janet is fine with the attire, but last season she found it to be ridiculous… On the other hand, Janet says Gamble was pushing the dress code with her short shorts. I don’t know what the big deal was. I’ve seen shorter shorts. At least it wasn’t Pettifleur who we know likes to go commando…

I must take a moment to bring up Gina walking in flat shoes… She walked on her toes like a ballerina, as if she were still wearing heels. It’s as if her feet are permanently locked into that position. What does she wear around her house? I assume pumps… Gamble can’t seem to figure out the golf cart… I cannot begin to tell you how shocked that made me… They begin to “golf”… I put that word in quotation marks because I don’t think many people would or could call what these women are doing “golf”. They were better at driving the golf carts, and that’s saying a lot. Maybe they should stick to the gossiping. They’re better suited to that sport.

After what seemed to be a fun day of poor golfing, you know there was going to be some fighting… Jackie, the peacemaker, says that neither she nor Gina were present for the actual lunch where all of the drama started, and, therefore, they should stay out of it. She suggests that the three (Gamble, Janet, and Chyka) should talk about it. Once again, in her interview, Janet claims that Chyka is to blame, yet somehow Chyka has “slithered” out of responsibility…

Toward the end of the argument, we hear something that I have never heard on reality tv before. Gamble says that if one ever hears anything about her, talk about it behind her back; don’t say it to her face… Of course, this is logically how the world works, but no one ever says that. Housewives tend to say the opposite, even though they don’t really mean it. They are always yapping about how they want everything to be said to their Botox-ridden faces; however, even if that happens fighting and drama ensues. It’s a lose-lose situation for the housewives, but it’s a win-win situation for us as viewers…

Gamble and Janet eventually hug it out, and Gamble says that she hasn’t acted that way since kindergarten… But I have a feeling things won’t stay this way for long.

Chyka then invites the ladies to a dinner, and she is somewhat secretive of the details. She says she is confident the ladies will be fine, but at the same time she is only cautiously optimistic. Chyka’s a smart lady…

RHOMelbourne Season 2 Episodes 2&3

I know this is super late. I apologize! But this week I have been busy catching up on RHOMelbourne. So today I am posting my recap for episodes 2 and 3, and Thursday I will be posting my recap of episode 4. Enjoy!

Episode 2

In the last episode, we were introduced to two new housewives, Gina and a few of the other ladies tried to reconcile, and Janet turned another year older.

This episode starts with Pettifleur shopping for a Bentley for her 50^th birthday present. The one she wants is $450K… Most Americans’ homes are worth half that…  She says she wants mirrors on the floor of the car so she can check out her pink parts while she’s driving. If she spends that much money on a car, surely she spends a good chunk of change on the upkeep of her lady bits, so why not get a good look at what you’ve paid for?

Next we see Lydia and her mother trying to bring Figaro for a walk. They dress him in a myriad of outfits, but Figaro is having none of it. They eventually get him out of the house, and while walking they talk about Janet’s party. Lydia says she is getting along with Gina, but I feel everything is still extremely superficial and anger still lurks under the surface. Lydia makes a slight crack at Janet’s age, and her mother takes offense since she’s older than Janet…but I’m only guessing by a few years…

Apparently, treating your dog like a child is en vogue. I personally don’t get it (probably because I’m a heartless bitch…), but Gamble seems to take it very seriously. She calls her dog “Baby”. Who ever could imagine that treating your dog like a spoiled child would have bad results? Certainly not Gamble. She seems surprised at her dog’s behavior and now wants him trained. The trainer is a bit too nice to say it, so I will… TOO LITTLE TOO LATE! Later we see Gamble and her grandfather boyfriend/partner Rick and his son sitting down to a fancy dinner of mussels. I’m totally not buying this. This is a Bree Van de Kamp scene right out of Desperate Housewives. I simply do not believe that this is a normal night at their house. Gamble is so desperate to be a stereotypical housewife and she’s putting on a show for the cameras. And are we to believe that Gamble cooked those mussels? At least other housewives that force these family dinner scenes are real enough to show a little chaos and a chef that has prepared the meal… *cough* Heather Dubrow *cough*… Gamble tells Rick that she would like to have a murder mystery party with the other girls, probably as a way to get to know them a bit better. If I HAVE to say something positive about Gamble, it would be that this murder mystery party is a good and original idea, at least in the Real Housewives franchise.

Since the murder mystery party is themed, the other ladies have to go shopping for costumes. Pettifleur, Janet, and Jackie go shopping together, and Pettifleur starts ordering around the store associate. I don’t mean she was being difficult and just asking for a lot of assistance. I mean she was treating this poor girl like a servant. I’ve worked retail before. That young lady was not getting paid enough to put up with that… At one point, Pettifleur starts dancing and twerking around the dressing area while in her costume. Jackie thought it was good fun, but Janet looked horrified. I’m not sure if Janet was truly offended by the dancing or if she was just jealous because osteoporosis will not allow her to move like that anymore, but I’m willing to bet it is the latter…

Next we see Janet, Jackie, Chyka, and Gamble having lunch. Janet obviously can’t stand Pettifleur, and she is overjoyed to hear that she had previous plans with Lydia. Their lunch conversation turns to Pettifleur, and Janet immediately says she doesn’t like her, but then she immediately tries to save face and says that she hates to admit that… Gamble says she doesn’t like Pettifleur’s fashion sense. Pettifleur is called “nouveau riche”, which to these women means if you don’t have enough money, Pettifleur doesn’t want to know you… Chyka, being the rational one, disagrees and doesn’t like the use of that term to describe Pettifleur. Janet says she knows no one in Melbourne who has ever heard of Pettifleur, so “Who the f**k is Pettifleur?” she asks. I know Janet was there at the founding of Melbourne, but it’s a large city. I doubt she knows everyone…

Pettifleur is at lunch with Lydia, and the two of them start to gossip. Pettifleur doesn’t like Gamble’s style, and she finds her too skinny and stupid. She tells Lydia, to her face, that she found her pretentious. Lydia does not take kindly to that very true and well-founded statement by calling Pettifleur a “mongrel” of a woman during her interview… Am I the only one who thinks Lydia might be labeled a racist for that one?

Pettifleur has not yet been alone with Gina, and she invites Gina over to her house. While the two are chatting, Gina brings up that Gamble warned her of some mean things that were said about her at Janet’s party, but Pettifleur says she never heard those mean things. Even though Gamble was telling the truth, you can almost see the light bulbs go off in the two ladies’ heads. They both seem to have this moment of realization that Gamble could be a liar or pot stirrer. Pettifleur then starts giving Gina a soliloquy about her book. She says she is using “bitch” in a powerful positive way as a method of “reclaiming” the word, of which many feminists are a proponent. However, others, like Gina, don’t agree with that. They find it to be an aggressive and loaded word… I am actually in the process of trying to publish a paper on this very topic, so I’ll leave it there, and won’t give you my boring commentary on this linguistic issue.

Gamble and Rick go out for a romantic dinner together. Rick starts getting very sentimental, and he says that they’ve passed all of life’s tests and obstacles. He shares a memory of the couple, and then out of nowhere, he asks Gamble to marry him. Gamble tries her hardest to be surprised and act as if she didn’t know this was coming… But I have a feeling this was another show for the cameras, and they planned the whole thing in advance… Or perhaps I’m wrong. Perhaps Gamble was a bit irritated that Rick proposed so nonchalantly with no grandiose gesture or plan, and Gamble didn’t want to look ungrateful or superficial for the cameras. Either way, it rang fake to me.

Janet, Chyka, and Lydia ride to the murder mystery party together. During the ride, Janet lets us know she has heard some juicy gossip about Gamble by subtly saying that if the stories she has heard about Gamble are true, then they should have fun at the party… Later we find out what exactly she meant by that…

Rick and Gamble went above and beyond to create the right environment for this murder mystery party. Their costumes, decorations, and food were perfect… More evidence of them trying too hard… You didn’t actually think I was going to be nice, did you?...

At the party, Janet seems to be flirting with Rick, which makes sense considering they are much closer to the same age and probably have things to talk about, like dentures and fiber intake. The scene of the actual dinner and mystery part made it seem like the women had no clue what was going on, but considering Pettifleur practically guessed the murder correctly, I’ll just assume that was some crafty editing.

After the mystery was solved, Pettifleur takes the opportunity to plug her book again. No one understands a word she is saying, and they all seem to collectively tune her out… Gamble very subtly announces her engagement to Rick. Janet says she fears that if the stories she has heard come out, they will affect the engagement… So what does she do? She brings them out into the open…

In a clearly premeditated move, Janet invites Gamble to have lunch and brings along Chyka to be her unaware accomplice. Chyka brings up that she has heard some stories about Gamble, but Gamble seems to think she knows what Chyka is about to say. Apparently, Gamble split from an ex and kept a car over which they went to court. However, Janet jumps in the conversation to say what she has heard. Janet says Gamble has been called a stripper and call girl, and that there are stories of sex parties that Gamble has thrown… Perhaps that is what Janet was referring to when she said they should have fun at the dinner party if what she heard were true?... Gamble asks Janet who is saying this stuff, and Janet says she has heard it from a variety of people who are in different social circles (as if that fact makes these stories and claims reliable). Gamble is upset with Janet for bringing it up and feels she was ambushed. Was Janet expecting a “thank you” for calling Gamble a stripper and a sex worker?

Episode 3

At the beginning of this episode, Chyka and Lydia meet to have drinks. Lydia tells Chyka that her 24 year-old son is getting married. Chyka spills to Lydia the details of the lunch with Gamble and Janet, including the gossip that Janet had heard about Gamble. Lydia is shocked that Chyka is sharing gossip, and I must admit I was as well. I wonder if producers suggested to Chyka that she share the sordid information to keep the storyline going. Chyka said that she was shocked at the stuff that Janet said. She was blindsided, but in the moment she seemed like an accomplice.

Jackie and Ben have a La Mascara video shoot. Ben keeps harping on the fact that Jackie can’t pronounce the name correctly, more specifically, she puts the wrong emPHAsis on the wrong sylLABle… Janet shows up and surprises Jackie. Janet claims that Chyka brought up the gossip about Gamble at lunch; however, if you recall, Chyka only brought up the information that had been published in the newspaper and that Gamble had confirmed. It was Janet that brought out the more salacious and damaging rumors.

Next we see Pettifleur having tea with her friend, Charlotte, who is the co-author of the book she has been prattling on about ad nauseum. Charlotte says she is writing about how to find and keep a strong love life, but Pettifleur is writing about “switching the bitch”, taking control of your inner personality and bitch. These two topics obviously do not mesh well for one book. Pettifleur suggests that they both write separate books, as if it were that easy. Book deals are not just handed out. Since Pettifleur is on a reality show, she will have no problem getting her book published. Charlotte, on the other hand, may write an entire book but never get the opportunity to publish it. I just don’t find that to be fair… Pettifleur says she wants her book translated into Chinese because, “There are a lot of crazy Chinese bitches out there”… I’m not sure where that came from or why she said it, but the producers and editors obviously felt it was an important point to keep in the show…

Some of the ladies attend a fashion show, and at the pre-show party Gamble starts in on Janet immediately. She thinks Janet made up the rumors. Poor Jackie is standing there in the middle of the chaos as both Janet and Gamble are trying to tell her what happened. Gamble says, “She called me a pole dancer…” To which Janet replies, “I said stripper…” Is one necessarily worse than the other? Personally I wish I could be a pole dancer or stripper without making people vomit and want to gouge their eyes out…

The back and forth continues as Gamble explains that what Janet called a “sex party” was actually a group of her girlfriends coming to swim in her pool. It is clear that Gamble is getting fed up, and she fires back at Janet claiming that she heard that Janet sold her body for heroin. She then admits in her interview that she made that up to make Janet mad... Umm, not ok… Gina walks into the party and is confused by the chaos she is witnessing. Gamble tries to catch Gina up on the drama, and Gina thinks Gamble is probably mad because Janet was flirting with her fiancé at the murder mystery party. Gamble says she expected Janet to do that, but being called a whore is not acceptable.

I naively assumed that the fighting was over, but after the fashion show, they get into it again… Gina confronts Janet saying that Gamble claimed Janet was talking badly about her at the party. Of course, Janet denies it. She says she doesn’t need both Gamble and Gina yelling at her… Gamble says Janet never apologized for talking about those rumors, but Janet claims she apologized immediately after the fact at lunch, via text, and via phone call during which Gamble hung up on her. Janet sees the conversation is going nowhere, and she leaves. Gina tells us that because she knows Janet well, she’s more willing to believe Gamble… Yikes. I thought Janet and Gina are supposed to be friends.

Now that we’ve witnessed all that drama, the mood is lightened by Lydia learning to play poker for a charity event. The instructors keep using poker terms, and Lydia seems extremely lost. I’ll admit, I know the poker terms because I’ve played many times before, but they are definitely not intuitive or self-explanatory. Lydia starts flirting with one of the instructors as they talk about bluffing and poker face. She says she can’t do a poker face, implying that her face is too expressive. However, I beg to differ. With all that Botox, Lydia’s face is practically immovable.

Gamble sits down with Rick to talk about the drama at the fashion show. She says she is extremely upset, and Rick acts like the grandfather calming her down and giving her advice. He tells her not to blow up and not to let it hurt her. While she seems comforted by his trite and cliché advice, she still expresses concern about golfing with the ladies. I have a feeling the producers will sternly recommend that she go anyway…

Chyka decides she needs to clean out her closet… I have to begin by saying that Chyka’s closet looks bigger than my apartment, and I know that would disgust many people, but I am exceptionally jealous… Chyka says the closet is actually her son’s old bedroom that she converted when he moved out. She admits to us that she doesn’t tell Bruce how much she spends on shopping, and she hides bags from him. Well I’m guessing that’s no longer a secret now… Chyka also admits to putting a lock on her closet so her stuff won’t be “borrowed” without her permission. Good idea, Chyka, but you are not the first housewife to do that. Mary Amons from the RHODC beat you to that one.

Later, Janet meets a friend for lunch who apparently knows everyone in Melbourne. We find out that this friend is the one who introduced her to Pettifleur. However, if you recall, Janet said she knew no one in Melbourne who had ever heard of Pettifleur… Hmm… Curious… Janet says now that she knows more about Pettifleur, she’s realizing she’s just a strong woman, and she is starting to understand her personality. Janet starts talking about the drama and rumors surrounding Gamble, and her friend says she had also heard similar rumors about Gamble.

Gamble asks Gina to have dinner with her. She hopes Gina can give her some clarity in the Janet situation. She tells Gina the whole story of what transpired at the infamous lunch with Chyka and Janet. Gina tells Gamble that no matter how angry or hurt she gets, she should not tell rumors about Janet because they’re unfounded and it’s mud slinging. Gina doesn’t understand why Janet would bring this stuff up knowing that it could hurt Gamble’s engagement. Gina asks Gamble if she would like her to talk to Janet on her behalf. Gamble seems to think it would be a good idea; however, I think they’re both insane. Nothing good can come from someone else butting into other people’s problems… I speak from experience.

I will take this opportunity to give my opinion on the Janet-Gamble situation. I really don’t care for Gamble… From what I’ve written about her, I don’t think I’ve hidden that fact… But I really can’t stand Janet. So I reluctantly am taking Gamble’s side on this one. Janet is trying to put the blame on Chyka, and she claims she meant no malice toward bringing up the rumors, but I don’t believe that at all. The manner in which she brought the rumors to Gamble was accusatory and attacking. Furthermore, she knew that Gamble had just gotten engaged, yet Janet chooses this time to bring up the rumors. The timing and delivery do not coincide with how she is trying to paint the picture of her intentions. If Janet were smart, like Chyka, she could have pulled it off and appeared more innocent. She is obviously not cut out to play the gossipy housewife game.

Real Housewives of Melbourne Season 2 Episode 1

I’m so excited that Bravo has decided to air the new season of Real Housewives of Melbourne. They are airing it a few weeks behind the airing in Australia, which has been the normal practice in other countries when airing the US versions of the show. It’s about time Bravo got their act together. They should have aired Real Housewives of Vancouver the same way. It may have gotten renewed if they had… Can you tell I’m bitter about it?

Anyway, the very first thing we see is an extremely brief “recap” of last season. However, it was just a few clips, and if you didn’t watch last season, you would have no idea what happened. Considering the facts that Andrea was in the middle of most of the drama last season and she was only shown once in the recap without saying a single word, I’m going to assume the producers were throwing some shade by purposely leaving her out as much as possible. It may not be true, but that’s the world I prefer to live in…

The season opens with Lydia, Jackie, and Chyka meeting for what I am assuming is a drink considering Lydia orders a “wet pussy”…? Of course the waiter retorts perfectly, just as I would have, “I’ve never seen one of those…” Jackie keeps going on about how great Lydia looks and how she has lost so much weight. If it’s true, that’s great for Lydia; however, I can’t tell a difference. And that is not my way of throwing shade. I simply don’t think she looked overweight last year.

Janet calls while the three women are together and says she is going to see Carlos, who Chyka contends is Janet’s new boy toy. Janet asks if they are coming to her birthday party, and she says she wants to invite Gina. Janet says she wants to move forward with Gina and that their ups and downs are indicative of a “real relationship.” Later Lydia says she wants to pick up Gina so they can ride to Janet’s party together. Lydia wants to have a chat with Gina and also move forward with their relationship… I can’t help but point out something. Gina has been embraced by viewers as one of the standouts and favorites on the show. It seems to me that the only reason Janet and Lydia are trying to make things right with Gina is to gain favor in the eyes of viewers. It’s a smart move, but I think many people will see through it. Furthermore, I doubt it will last long. We shall see…

Janet goes to see Carlos who has offered to have her party at “his venue”; however, he says there were some construction issues and it won’t be ready in time. I’m inclined also not to believe this. Something tells me the venue was ready, but it just wasn’t camera ready. Why would you want to show something on international television that isn’t perfect?... Janet claims that she is “freaking out”, but by the amount of Botox in her face, who can tell? She always looks somewhat surprised… The conversation turns to Janet’s love life (so clearly she wasn’t too upset about the news of the party). Janet says she doesn’t want a man in his 70s, what she alludes to be age-appropriate for her, because most of them are unwell… Did she just slip up and reveal her approximate age? Or is she saying she wants an older man so she can feel like a kept woman and trophy wife? Either way it tells us a lot about Janet…

Janet then goes to see Patrick, her gay gossip buddy who must get his hair from the same tragic distributor as Nene Leakes. Janet decides to call Gina to invite her to the birthday party. Janet leaves a voicemail because Gina did not answer. (Whether this was intentional or happenstance on Gina’s side, it was a good thing. Upon calling back, Gina had the power to direct the conversation and the knowledge of what the call was about.) While Janet and Patrick discuss her cheap-looking, tacky dress options, Gina does call back and accepts the invitation.

The first time Gina is shown on camera, she is walking down the street on her way to have lunch with a friend. The camera pans out to a wide shot from across the street. I can only imagine this was done on purpose since above her we see a sign that says “the bitch is back”. This is one of the best reality TV shots I’ve ever seen. It was captured and tweeted by many people, and if you missed it, go to the RHOMelbourne hashtag, and you’re bound to see one… While at lunch, Gina and her friend talk about Gina’s partner who still lives in the US. Last season the two of them split, but here Gina says they have gotten back together again. She plans on moving to the US with him. I wonder what that means for her future on the show. I definitely do not want to see her go, but if that’s what makes her happy, I will not begrudge her that.

Earlier we heard Janet say that Carlos was taking care of everything for the party: the location, the food, and the alcohol. But apparently when he backed out of hosting it at the last minute, he also backed out of the other duties? This is the only reason I can think of for Janet to show up to a bakery begging for a birthday cake the day of her party. Of course the baker/cake designer is absolutely insane and starts giving Janet a therapy session in his bakery. Janet invites the cake designer to her party. It’s the least she can do.

As said earlier, Lydia wants to ride with Gina to the birthday party in hopes of chatting. And as I suspected, Lydia is all talk and no action. They spend a good bit of time in an awkward silence, what I would call one of the most awkward car rides ever… The silence is finally broken, and Gina says she heard from many sources that Lydia and her husband had separated… And the car ride just got more awkward. Lydia appears caught of guard by this, almost as if she were stunned that people knew the truth? But she claims it’s BS.

Next we are introduced to one of the new housewives, and judging by how much I loathe her already, I’m guessing she is Andrea’s replacement who will bear the brunt of my bitchy comments this season… introducing Gamble. First of all, that voice… I thought Scheana from Vanderpump Rules had the most annoying voice, but I have been proven wrong. As Gamble is first introduced to us, we see her brushing her dog while lying on the floor wearing Louboutins… I almost called 911 because my throat was closing up; I’m allergic to fakeness… She’s married to an ophthalmologist who appears to be 80 years old. She says her name comes from a Shakespearian play and means “to frolic”; however, I think her parents may have been referencing how they gambled and lost in having a kid… She doesn’t eat breakfast, and she thinks frozen peas are a suitable dinner. So overall, I’d say the bitch is stupid.

At the party we get some pearls of wisdom from Gamble as she meets the ladies for the first time. If you found nothing wrong with what she said, it must be because you don’t speak Bitch… Luckily, I speak Bitch fluently, so allow me to help you out… When she first met Chyka, Gamble says, “Chyka’s got a beautiful face…” Translation: “Chyka’s body needs some serious work…” (Let it be known that I think Chyka is beautiful in every way. She is an intelligent, sexy, strong business woman with a gorgeous husband. Who could ask for more?) Gamble also says about Jackie, “I don’t believe in psychics…” Translation: “Oh shit! This bitch is gonna see through all of my fake behavior…”

If you recall, last year Janet talked about her son being in an accident that severely burned a large portion of his body. He made his first public appearance since the accident at Janet’s birthday party. For the horrific and traumatic event that this man has gone through, he looked happy and amazing. Seeing that moment gave me some hope and made me smile.

Gina arrives to the birthday party, and Janet immediately calls her a drag queen behind her back. (I know of many fabulous and beautiful drag queens, but the intent behind the statement was to be rude, so you have to take it as an insult.) Gina, on the other hand, says that Janet looks fabulous. So just like Lydia, Janet said she wanted to repair things with Gina, but actions speak louder than words… At least we can see that Janet is trying. She says she was going to tell Gamble the myriad of “terrible things” that Gina did, but she stops herself.

The other new housewife is Pettifleur. She is from Sri Lanka and is a property developer who moved to Australia as a teenager. She says, “It’s not a woman if there’s no bitch in her.” So she’s basically saying that all women are bitches; however, I am living proof that not all bitches are women… Perhaps the most intriguing thing about Pettifleur, in my opinion, is that she has no allegiances with any of the women; she doesn’t know any of the other women. Her choices in whom to trust will be interesting to watch.

Toward the end of the episode, Gina and Gamble have lunch. Gamble says she likes intelligent people, which is why she is drawn to Gina… But if she likes intelligent people, does that mean she doesn’t like herself?...  Gamble is clearly kissing Gina’s ass by giving her gifts and telling her about how some of the other women were insulting her at Janet’s party. However, Gina never disappoints me. She says she’s always weary with new people (as she should be).

In the last scene, Janet goes to see Carlos…and his pig… We’re teased at the end of the episode with the fact that there’s gossip circulating about Gamble, but of course we are not told what that juicy tidbit is. We have to wait for the new episode.

The season is off to a great start. Let me know what you think of the new housewives and your predictions for what the new season has in store. I hope to be back next week with a recap of episode 2.