Real Housewives of Melbourne (RHOMelbourne) Episode 108

After last week’s explosive and dramatic episode, this week is much tamer as we see the women deal with the fallout of the Mission Beach trip.

 

In the beginning of the episode, Lydia meets with her friend Lisa. She gives Lisa the Reader’s Digest version of the drama between Andrea and Gina. The two of them have a little snack while they’re talking, and Lydia offers some cake to Lisa, to which Lisa responds, “I haven’t eaten carbs since 1964.” Of course Lydia takes her seriously because she is incapable of detecting a joke. You would think someone who claims to have her feet “firmly planted on the ground” would be able to detect hyperbole. Lisa says she has recently taken over a huge business. So this woman is a rich, funny, strong businesswoman… Why is Lisa not part of the cast?

Next we see Andrea meeting with publishers for her book. We learn that Andrea is former journalist. Now it makes sense. As a journalist, Andrea was trained to put a slant on everything she perceives. And words don’t mean to her what they mean to us… You know, like “mother”… The publisher tells Andrea that she should try writing a blog first before writing a book. Writing a blog allows you to gain followers and readers, so when you do write a book, you have guaranteed sales. That’s how I’m doing it… But Andrea seems to think so many people will buy her book without knowing if she’s a good writer first. Unfortunately, since she was on this show, she’s probably right, but if she were a normal person not on TV, she might sell twenty copies… The one she buys for herself, and the nineteen she buys to give as crappy gifts. She says her book was written as a response to a woman who told the truth her she wasn’t a good mother. So the book is centered around and is the product of drama? I wouldn’t expect anything less of Andrea. After the meeting, Andrea seems to get the picture that no publisher will want this book, but instead of taking advice from a professional, she talks about self-publishing. Delusional much?

Jackie and Ben meet with a few people about La Mascara, a new line of cocktails they are creating together. They want to have a launch party in 4 weeks, but they are told that’s not realistic at all. There is simply too much to do in a short period of time. Jackie, however, does not take “no” for an answer, and she doesn’t like to hear about all the “negos”.  They then meet with a chemist about the actual creation and logistics of the drinks. They come in with all of these ideas they think will be great, but the chemist is all too happy to burst their bubble of creativity and inspiration. He tells them about shelf life, bottling costs, and a myriad of other technical issues they have to consider. Poor Jackie… She wants to shine shine shine, but this dose of reality has started to dim her light.

Next we see Lydia and Andrea go to lunch. What/who do they discuss? I’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count… Andrea gives us the litany of grievances against Gina yet again; she wants an apology… Hold your breath until you get one, Andrea. They also discuss the grand opening party of the new Liberty Bell clinic. Last week Andrea said she would invite Gina and be the bigger person, to which Lydia responded favorably finding it admirable. This week the two of them have done a complete 180º. Either the clean air in Mission Beach allowed their humanity to come out which changed as soon as they got back to Melbourne, or the producers whispered something in Andrea’s ear to make her change her mind. I’ll let you pick your favorite theory. Lydia, who as I said was supportive of the decision to invite Gina, now says, “Why invite someone who’s horrible to you”.

Janet meets with Dr. Moss, Andrea’s husband, about her son. Last week we heard about the horrible accident that left Janet’s son badly burned on most of his body. She and Dr. Moss discuss plastic surgery reconstruction. Dr. Moss seems hopeful. Since the accident, Janet has made it her life to care for and manage her son’s recovery. I feel for Janet, and I am amazed at how she has been able to remain positive about all of it.

All of the women, save of course Gina, attend the Liberty Bell party. Andrea thanks Chyka for catering and helping with some of the design for the party. Janet throws some shade at Gina by saying that the five of them get along so well…without Gina. Lydia praises Andrea for the new plastic surgery clinic saying, “You brought LA here.” LA has apparently solidified its reputation as plastic surgery capital of the world, and I’m sure Drs. Dubrow and Nassif would be happy to hear that… The ladies are actually having a decent and real conversation, but Andrea can’t help herself. She says, “Let’s talk about Gina.” Immediately Chyka tries to shut it down. Gina isn’t there to defend herself; moreover, she wasn’t even invited to have the chance to defend herself. Andrea calls Gina “a clown”, but Chyka again defends Gina. Chyka asks Lydia about her friendship with Gina. Lydia denies being friends with Gina… Hold on… Let’s rewind to the first episode of the season. As I recall, Lydia and Gina both said during a lunch that they had been friends for quite some time. Why deny it now? Does she think she’s saving herself from being associated with bad behavior? If that’s the case, she shouldn’t get too close to Andrea… Andrea gets tired of Chyka defending Gina and says something to the extent of: You’re at my party, so you need to support me… Is that how the world works? I didn’t know that. Andrea is a fount of knowledge that is going to waste. She’s certainly not imparting it on her children.

Jackie and Ben are going out on a date night. But first Jackie needs some sexy lingerie. Lydia and Jackie go shopping where Jackie spends $4025. If you spend that much money on lingerie, it had better come with a prostitute and a happy ending… Later, on their date, Jackie and Ben go to a restaurant and order an $850 bottle of champagne. Heather Dubrow would be proud… The topic of children comes up, and Ben says that once they get the business up and running, they should have kids. He stipulates that Jackie is not to have a C-section. Jackie’s idea of a compromise is getting Bulgari bracelets and a house in Brazil in exchange for a natural birth. Seems reasonable to me… The two take a yacht trip down the Yarra, which Jackie had predicted would happen earlier when she was with Lydia. Ben gives her a pair of 5-karat diamond earrings. How much is this date costing Ben? I hope they don’t do this weekly, or even monthly.  

Later at Chyka’s event for her catering business, Gina calls her accepting the invitation to the event. Gina didn’t want Chyka to think she was associating her with the bad behavior of the others, and she wanted to support Chyka. Chyka decides to be crafty and not tell the other girls that Gina is coming. The other ladies arrive and are having a good time eating and drinking. Andrea brings up her book again. Can Andrea talk about anything other than Gina and her book? Perhaps she could talk about her husband or her kids. However, that would require her to actually know something about them, right? Andrea says the cover of her book will be a 50s inspired photo of her with her breasts hanging out talking on a cell phone and standing next to a perfect and well-groomed kid. That just screams 50s to me…

Andrea says, “I love my boobs because I breastfed 3 kids.” I guess she takes credit for that since she probably put it on a checklist for her nannies to do.

Of course the topic of Gina comes up again. Jackie says that they’ve forgiven her and she suggests having a forgiveness dinner and putting the past behind them, but Lydia and Andrea are not interested. Gina finally makes her grand entrance. The look on Andrea’s face was the first genuine thing we’ve seen from her all season. She looked physically ill and uncomfortable; however, in her interview, she says Gina is the one who looked uncomfortable. Is this more projecting from Andrea?... The ladies toast to moving forward, but for a lot of them it seemed disingenuous. Andrea’s husband shows up and greets the ladies. Apparently he was completely ignorant of the drama that happened at Mission Beach. He awkwardly asks Gina how the trip was. Gina seemed caught off guard. Once he realized Gina was acting strangely about the situation, he “stuck to the weather”. Gina excuses herself from the awkwardness, and Andrea tells her husband that she has been keeping some things from him. She says, “You’re too important to be involved in this stuff.” I call BS on this. What is really going on here? A couple generally shares what’s going on in their lives, especially when they feel someone is mistreating them. The Real Housewives franchise is notorious for having husbands get in on the drama. Are Andrea and her husband just not that close? On the balcony, the ladies toast again to moving forward. This time Gina sees through the BS and says that they’ll be moving forward to more bad behavior.

Is Gina paranoid, or does she have a valid reason for thinking this? More importantly, is she correct? We will see… Next week promises more drama, a dog party, and the La Mascara launch party. What do you predict will happen next? I’m sure some of you, like me, have an unfair advantage since you’ve already seen the whole season, but for those of you who haven’t, leave your predictions of what is to come in the comments. I’ll be back next week for the next episode’s recap.