Real Housewives of Melbourne (RHOMelbourne) Episode 107

This episode moved so quickly, I think my head was spinning after I watched it. Part of me says the producers should have stretched this one into two episodes. If my recap seems choppy and disjointed, it’s because the episode was. Yes, I’m passing the blame…

The episode opens with Jackie and Lydia shopping for their upcoming trip to Mission Beach. Lydia can say nothing but, “Oh wow!” Jackie points out the obvious; she is more “rock ’n roll” while Lydia is more conservative. Lydia is a “Grecian goddess” and Jackie is a “stick with big tits”. I was not aware that being a “stick with big tits” is indicative of rock ‘n roll…

We also get a glimpse of Andrea packing for the trip. Can anyone else believe she is packing her own bag? Of course she uses this camera time to show us how close she is with her daughter. However the nanny is supervising just in case anything goes wrong… You know… like if the daughter wants affection… Can Andrea never be left alone with her own children?

The ladies then meet at a hangar to take a helicopter down to Mission Beach. Right at the beginning, Janet proclaims that she doesn’t want to ride with Gina. Gina, of course, is late again, and she expresses her concerns with going on a trip with Andrea and Janet. Andrea confesses she is a bit scared of riding in a helicopter, but Lydia has piloted before, so she helps calm Andrea down. Although it seems Lydia might be the one who needs calming down. Lydia proclaims that hearing the motor of a helicopter “so turns me on! Fast and hard!” The orgasmic wide-eyed look on her face as she says this shows us she’s telling the truth… We all have our fetishes, I guess.

The ladies finally arrive at the gorgeous resort, and of course the first thing to be mentioned is cocktails. But that’s all right… When I’m on vacation, I have a cocktail in hand every waking minute…

So far, everyone seems to be enjoying herself. That only means one thing… Many of them are being fake… Chyka suggests that since almost all of the ladies have dogs, they should have a dog party. Lydia insists that Figaro does not eat red meat, and that anything served at the party must suit his tastes. He prefers chicken pie… A dog that is more high maintenance than a housewife? Gotta love it.

Andrea, Jackie, and Lydia go out for a walk around the resort, and naturally they start talking about Gina. Janet spilled the beans and told them about everything that was said in the bathroom during her birthday party. Andrea and Lydia start listing their grievances with Gina. Don’t they know there is historical precedence for that? They must nail a list to the door of Gina’s room… Naturally, they have a problem with the fact that Gina called Lydia and Andrea “the c-word”. As I recall, however, that word was not used about both of them, just one, and with the way it was edited, I am not clear on whom Gina was referring to. The second issue is the derogatory comments Gina had regarding Lydia’s book idea. Apparently Gina said that Lydia must be writing about vaginas. Unfortunately, either the cameras did not catch this or it was edited out because we did not see or hear any comment about a book Lydia is writing. Also, I wouldn’t take offense to a comment like that. It’s funny! The last bit of contention Lydia and Andrea have with Gina revolves around an email of a legal nature. We still do not know much about the email, probably for legal reasons, but Andrea and Lydia took it as a threat that Gina may take legal action against them. After hearing all of this, Jackie tells them to confront Gina at dinner. Jackie has been involved in one-on-one confrontations, but I have a feeling she does not know how these dinner table confrontations can get out of control and nasty. If she did, I don’t think she would have suggested that.

On the way back to do yoga, the three of them run into Gina, and Andrea and Lydia could not be more disingenuous. It looked like Susan, the yoga instructor, had no idea what she was getting into…poor lady should have been warned. Gina is upset that she can’t wear high heels while doing yoga. Now I’ve only done yoga once, but I’m sure if she didn’t break her neck playing tennis in high heels, she definitely would while doing yoga in them. At the end of the session, Lydia says, “I think the six of us were quite tranquil.” Yeah, Lydia…and I’m a kind, sensitive person with only nice things to say about people…

Next we see some of the ladies relaxing by the pool. Gina starts talking to Andrea, but Andrea blatantly ignores her until Gina asks her a direct question forcing her to answer. Really, Andrea? You’re going to stop with the fake niceties now?... I guess talking to Gina isn’t on her checklist… Jackie comes and sits by Gina, and they talk about kids and Gina’s cancer, like good friends would. Jackie tells us she is not borrowing drama from other ladies. She has nothing directly against Gina.

While Lydia and Andrea are talking, Lydia asks, “Why is everyone being so fake?” I seriously hope that is a rhetorical question and that she is including herself in that collective “everyone” because she and Andrea have been the most fake toward Gina on this trip so far. And she’s not yet done, it seems.

Janet and Chyka are sitting together, and Janet starts talking about how she hated leaving her son. She tells the heart-wrenching story of how her son was burned badly in an accident at a friend’s home. The burns were so bad they were deemed “life threatening”, and in fact, her son flat lined twice while in the hospital. Janet then talks about how kind her friends were during the hard time. They cooked every meal for her family and made sure they were taken care of. Janet and Chyka make reference to it, but I will come right out and say it. Strong women are the last people you want to be against you, but they are the first people you want by your side when things are not going well. Women can be extremely nasty, and they can be extremely caring. This dichotomy in the personalities of women is what makes shows like The Real Housewives so compelling and entertaining. We can see the same pair of women clawing each other’s eyes out one minute and crying and consoling each other the next.

Lydia approaches Gina to talk about her partner, and how things are going. Lydia says she wanted to see where Gina was mentally and emotionally out of concern, but I think she was trying to gauge how Gina might react to the ambush they were planning for later that evening. Gina says she doesn’t need a man to complete her, but she feels that Lydia does. Lydia and Gina don’t seem to agree on anything during their conversation, and Lydia goes back to Andrea frustrated and bad-mouthing Gina. Yet again, Lydia shows us how fake she can be.

At dinner, the ladies go around the table discussing their first impressions of each other. Andrea tells us she sat across from Gina on purpose in order to keep continuous eye-contact, as if Gina is intimidated by Andrea. Andrea’s first impression of Gina was that Gina wears a lot of makeup. Gina’s first impression of Andrea is that she was beautiful and successful… Hmm… Does this tell us anything about the character of these two ladies?

Janet says she felt ill at the thought of confronting Gina with her problems, but she knew she had to. It was at that moment that I realized Gina was about to be in front of the firing squad. Janet starts in on Gina, but does so very calmly. Gina can sense where this is going, and she asks if Janet wants to talk about it on their own over coffee. Janet insists that the other girls are involved, and that they must talk about it all together. Janet starts with the fact that Gina was late to the tennis meeting. Gina hears what Janet is saying and tries to apologize; she mentions the fact that she is very busy. Andrea sees her opportunity to jump into the fight, and she seizes it by claiming that Gina is not as busy as she is. I guess Andrea does have a big house to manage and children to raise… Oh wait…

Again, Gina tries to calm the situation down, but Andrea is not having it. She brings up the name-calling and derogatory comments made at Janet’s birthday, which in essence throws Janet under the bus. Chyka decides to weigh in and takes up for Gina saying that her comments about Lydia’s book were tongue-in-cheek and only meant as a joke. Immediately, Andrea rolls her eyes at Chyka defending the enemy. Andrea brings up how the French embroidered hand towels in her bathroom were ruined by Gina… Hold on! That’s not what she said last episode. Her problem was that Gina had left a mess for her to clean up, not that a piece of her property was ruined. Is Andrea over-selling the story now that she has an audience? Andrea finally does come clean about the tennis court. She was afraid Gina would ruin the tennis court, but at the time she never said that. Andrea tops off her rampage with a list of character flaws and the statement “I actually get offended even looking at you now.” I just have to point out the hypocrisy here. Andrea is speaking quite offensively to Gina and is leading a crusade against her while at the same time calling Gina offensive and aggressive. Is there a mirror in the middle of the table we can’t see? Is Andrea talking to herself?

At one point, the other ladies are having a heated discussion amongst themselves, and Gina is just watching. In an ingenious move, Gina proves she is not rattled by the argument by powdering her nose at the dinner table amongst the chaos. Gina tells us that she thinks Andrea will be her own undoing. Considering what we know about the current casting for season 2, it seems Gina was right…

The elusive email was also brought up as point of discussion. Andrea and Lydia received an email from Gina, and they interpreted it to mean that she was threatening to sue them. Gina is flabbergasted by this and insists she has no intention of taking legal action against them. She explains that she was sending an email about legal action to someone else, and she simply CCed Andrea and Lydia so as to have witnesses to the email. However, Andrea and Lydia don’t seem to buy it.

Chyka doesn’t like the way Andrea is ganging up on Gina, and to show her disapproval of what is going on, she gets up and leaves. I must say I do not respect that action. By turning her back on what is taking place, she is pretending it doesn’t exist. She is not trying to stop it. She’s just saying that she doesn’t want to see it. Fortunately, since Chyka stands up to leave, the other ladies follow suit.

As they walk away, Lydia praises Andrea for how she handled herself, and someone says that Gina is scared of Andrea. I do not see how Gina showed in any way fear towards Andrea. In fact, Gina tells us how she truly feels when she compares Andrea and Lydia to dogs: the pack leader and the follower who pees on herself respectively. Gina also likens their ambush to “school yard mentality”. In the end, Gina decides to leave the resort early. We hear her on the phone explaining to her mother that the whole ordeal was “worse than eating cat food…” Gina loves her animal analogies, doesn’t she?

The next morning, Chyka and Jackie discuss how they saw a different and mean side of Andrea that they are not used to. At breakfast Andrea announces the opening of the newest site for Liberty Bell. She invites them all to the opening party. The ladies ask if she will invite Gina to the party, and we see Andrea, for once, being the bigger person as she says she will invite Gina, but we will see…