I know this is super late. I apologize! But this week I have been busy catching up on RHOMelbourne. So today I am posting my recap for episodes 2 and 3, and Thursday I will be posting my recap of episode 4. Enjoy!
Episode 2
In the last episode, we were introduced to two new
housewives, Gina and a few of the other ladies tried to reconcile, and Janet
turned another year older.
This episode starts with Pettifleur shopping for a Bentley
for her 50th birthday present. The one she wants is $450K… Most
Americans’ homes are worth half that… She says she wants mirrors on the floor of the car so she can
check out her pink parts while she’s driving. If she spends that much money on
a car, surely she spends a good chunk of change on the upkeep of her lady bits,
so why not get a good look at what you’ve paid for?
Next we see Lydia and her mother trying to bring Figaro for
a walk. They dress him in a myriad of outfits, but Figaro is having none of it.
They eventually get him out of the house, and while walking they talk about
Janet’s party. Lydia says she is getting along with Gina, but I feel everything
is still extremely superficial and anger still lurks under the surface. Lydia
makes a slight crack at Janet’s age, and her mother takes offense since she’s
older than Janet…but I’m only guessing by a few years…
Apparently, treating your dog like a child is en vogue. I
personally don’t get it (probably because I’m a heartless bitch…), but Gamble
seems to take it very seriously. She calls her dog “Baby”. Who ever could
imagine that treating your dog like a spoiled child would have bad results?
Certainly not Gamble. She seems surprised at her dog’s behavior and now wants
him trained. The trainer is a bit too nice to say it, so I will… TOO LITTLE TOO
LATE! Later we see Gamble and her grandfather boyfriend/partner Rick and
his son sitting down to a fancy dinner of mussels. I’m totally not buying this.
This is a Bree Van de Kamp scene right out of Desperate Housewives. I simply do
not believe that this is a normal night at their house. Gamble is so desperate
to be a stereotypical housewife and she’s putting on a show for the cameras.
And are we to believe that Gamble cooked those mussels? At least other
housewives that force these family dinner scenes are real enough to show a
little chaos and a chef that has prepared the meal… *cough* Heather Dubrow *cough*… Gamble tells Rick that she would
like to have a murder mystery party with the other girls, probably as a way to
get to know them a bit better. If I HAVE to say something positive about
Gamble, it would be that this murder mystery party is a good and original idea,
at least in the Real Housewives franchise.
Since the murder mystery party is themed, the other ladies
have to go shopping for costumes. Pettifleur, Janet, and Jackie go shopping together,
and Pettifleur starts ordering around the store associate. I don’t mean she was
being difficult and just asking for a lot of assistance. I mean she was
treating this poor girl like a servant. I’ve worked retail before. That young
lady was not getting paid enough to put up with that… At one point, Pettifleur
starts dancing and twerking around the dressing area while in her costume.
Jackie thought it was good fun, but Janet looked horrified. I’m not sure if
Janet was truly offended by the dancing or if she was just jealous because
osteoporosis will not allow her to move like that anymore, but I’m willing to
bet it is the latter…
Next we see Janet, Jackie, Chyka, and Gamble having lunch.
Janet obviously can’t stand Pettifleur, and she is overjoyed to hear that she
had previous plans with Lydia. Their lunch conversation turns to Pettifleur,
and Janet immediately says she doesn’t like her, but then she immediately tries
to save face and says that she hates to admit that… Gamble says she doesn’t
like Pettifleur’s fashion sense. Pettifleur is called “nouveau riche”, which to
these women means if you don’t have enough money, Pettifleur doesn’t want to
know you… Chyka, being the rational one, disagrees and doesn’t like the use of
that term to describe Pettifleur. Janet says she knows no one in Melbourne who
has ever heard of Pettifleur, so “Who the f**k is Pettifleur?” she asks. I know
Janet was there at the founding of Melbourne, but it’s a large city. I doubt
she knows everyone…
Pettifleur is at lunch with Lydia, and the two of them start
to gossip. Pettifleur doesn’t like Gamble’s style, and she finds her too skinny
and stupid. She tells Lydia, to her face, that she found her pretentious. Lydia
does not take kindly to that very true and well-founded statement by calling Pettifleur
a “mongrel” of a woman during her interview… Am I the only one who thinks Lydia
might be labeled a racist for that one?
Pettifleur has not yet been alone with Gina, and she invites
Gina over to her house. While the two are chatting, Gina brings up that Gamble
warned her of some mean things that were said about her at Janet’s party, but Pettifleur
says she never heard those mean things. Even though Gamble was telling the truth,
you can almost see the light bulbs go off in the two ladies’ heads. They both
seem to have this moment of realization that Gamble could be a liar or pot
stirrer. Pettifleur then starts giving Gina a soliloquy about her book. She
says she is using “bitch” in a powerful positive way as a method of “reclaiming”
the word, of which many feminists are a proponent. However, others, like Gina,
don’t agree with that. They find it to be an aggressive and loaded word… I am
actually in the process of trying to publish a paper on this very topic, so
I’ll leave it there, and won’t give you my boring commentary on this linguistic
issue.
Gamble and Rick go out for a romantic dinner together. Rick
starts getting very sentimental, and he says that they’ve passed all of life’s
tests and obstacles. He shares a memory of the couple, and then out of nowhere,
he asks Gamble to marry him. Gamble tries her hardest to be surprised and act
as if she didn’t know this was coming… But I have a feeling this was another
show for the cameras, and they planned the whole thing in advance… Or perhaps
I’m wrong. Perhaps Gamble was a bit irritated that Rick proposed so
nonchalantly with no grandiose gesture or plan, and Gamble didn’t want to look
ungrateful or superficial for the cameras. Either way, it rang fake to me.
Janet, Chyka, and Lydia ride to the murder mystery party
together. During the ride, Janet lets us know she has heard some juicy gossip
about Gamble by subtly saying that if the stories she has heard about Gamble
are true, then they should have fun at the party… Later we find out what
exactly she meant by that…
Rick and Gamble went above and beyond to create the right
environment for this murder mystery party. Their costumes, decorations, and
food were perfect… More evidence of them trying too hard… You didn’t actually
think I was going to be nice, did you?...
At the party, Janet seems to be flirting with Rick, which
makes sense considering they are much closer to the same age and probably have
things to talk about, like dentures and fiber intake. The scene of the actual
dinner and mystery part made it seem like the women had no clue what was going
on, but considering Pettifleur practically guessed the murder correctly, I’ll
just assume that was some crafty editing.
After the mystery was solved, Pettifleur takes the
opportunity to plug her book again. No one understands a word she is saying,
and they all seem to collectively tune her out… Gamble very subtly announces
her engagement to Rick. Janet says she fears that if the stories she has heard come
out, they will affect the engagement… So what does she do? She brings them out
into the open…
In a clearly premeditated move, Janet invites Gamble to have
lunch and brings along Chyka to be her unaware accomplice. Chyka brings up that
she has heard some stories about Gamble, but Gamble seems to think she knows
what Chyka is about to say. Apparently, Gamble split from an ex and kept a car
over which they went to court. However, Janet jumps in the conversation to say
what she has heard. Janet says Gamble has been called a stripper and call girl,
and that there are stories of sex parties that Gamble has thrown… Perhaps that
is what Janet was referring to when she said they should have fun at the dinner
party if what she heard were true?... Gamble asks Janet who is saying this
stuff, and Janet says she has heard it from a variety of people who are in
different social circles (as if that fact makes these stories and claims
reliable). Gamble is upset with Janet for bringing it up and feels she was
ambushed. Was Janet expecting a “thank you” for calling Gamble a stripper and a
sex worker?
Episode 3
At the beginning of this episode, Chyka and Lydia meet to
have drinks. Lydia tells Chyka that her 24 year-old son is getting married.
Chyka spills to Lydia the details of the lunch with Gamble and Janet, including
the gossip that Janet had heard about Gamble. Lydia is shocked that Chyka is
sharing gossip, and I must admit I was as well. I wonder if producers suggested
to Chyka that she share the sordid information to keep the storyline going.
Chyka said that she was shocked at the stuff that Janet said. She was
blindsided, but in the moment she seemed like an accomplice.
Jackie and Ben have a La Mascara video shoot. Ben keeps
harping on the fact that Jackie can’t pronounce the name correctly, more
specifically, she puts the wrong emPHAsis on the wrong sylLABle… Janet shows up
and surprises Jackie. Janet claims that Chyka brought up the gossip about
Gamble at lunch; however, if you recall, Chyka only brought up the information
that had been published in the newspaper and that Gamble had confirmed. It was
Janet that brought out the more salacious and damaging rumors.
Next we see Pettifleur having tea with her friend,
Charlotte, who is the co-author of the book she has been prattling on about ad
nauseum. Charlotte says she is writing about how to find and keep a strong love
life, but Pettifleur is writing about “switching the bitch”, taking control of
your inner personality and bitch. These two topics obviously do not mesh well
for one book. Pettifleur suggests that they both write separate books, as if it
were that easy. Book deals are not just handed out. Since Pettifleur is on a
reality show, she will have no problem getting her book published. Charlotte,
on the other hand, may write an entire book but never get the opportunity to
publish it. I just don’t find that to be fair… Pettifleur says she wants her
book translated into Chinese because, “There are a lot of crazy Chinese bitches
out there”… I’m not sure where that came from or why she said it, but the
producers and editors obviously felt it was an important point to keep in the
show…
Some of the ladies attend a fashion show, and at the
pre-show party Gamble starts in on Janet immediately. She thinks Janet made up
the rumors. Poor Jackie is standing there in the middle of the chaos as both
Janet and Gamble are trying to tell her what happened. Gamble says, “She called
me a pole dancer…” To which Janet replies, “I said stripper…” Is one
necessarily worse than the other? Personally I wish I could be a pole dancer or
stripper without making people vomit and want to gouge their eyes out…
The back and forth continues as Gamble explains that what
Janet called a “sex party” was actually a group of her girlfriends coming to
swim in her pool. It is clear that Gamble is getting fed up, and she fires back
at Janet claiming that she heard that Janet sold her body for heroin. She then
admits in her interview that she made that up to make Janet mad... Umm, not ok…
Gina walks into the party and is confused by the chaos she is witnessing.
Gamble tries to catch Gina up on the drama, and Gina thinks Gamble is probably
mad because Janet was flirting with her fiancé at the murder mystery party.
Gamble says she expected Janet to do that, but being called a whore is not
acceptable.
I naively assumed that the fighting was over, but after the
fashion show, they get into it again… Gina confronts Janet saying that Gamble
claimed Janet was talking badly about her at the party. Of course, Janet denies
it. She says she doesn’t need both Gamble and Gina yelling at her… Gamble says
Janet never apologized for talking about those rumors, but Janet claims she
apologized immediately after the fact at lunch, via text, and via phone call
during which Gamble hung up on her. Janet sees the conversation is going nowhere,
and she leaves. Gina tells us that because she knows Janet well, she’s more
willing to believe Gamble… Yikes. I thought Janet and Gina are supposed to be
friends.
Now that we’ve witnessed all that drama, the mood is
lightened by Lydia learning to play poker for a charity event. The instructors
keep using poker terms, and Lydia seems extremely lost. I’ll admit, I know the
poker terms because I’ve played many times before, but they are definitely not
intuitive or self-explanatory. Lydia starts flirting with one of the
instructors as they talk about bluffing and poker face. She says she can’t do a
poker face, implying that her face is too expressive. However, I beg to differ.
With all that Botox, Lydia’s face is practically immovable.
Gamble sits down with Rick to talk about the drama at the
fashion show. She says she is extremely upset, and Rick acts like the
grandfather calming her down and giving her advice. He tells her not to blow up
and not to let it hurt her. While she seems comforted by his trite and cliché
advice, she still expresses concern about golfing with the ladies. I have a
feeling the producers will sternly recommend that she go anyway…
Chyka decides she needs to clean out her closet… I have to
begin by saying that Chyka’s closet looks bigger than my apartment, and I know
that would disgust many people, but I am exceptionally jealous… Chyka says the
closet is actually her son’s old bedroom that she converted when he moved out.
She admits to us that she doesn’t tell Bruce how much she spends on shopping,
and she hides bags from him. Well I’m guessing that’s no longer a secret now…
Chyka also admits to putting a lock on her closet so her stuff won’t be
“borrowed” without her permission. Good idea, Chyka, but you are not the first
housewife to do that. Mary Amons from the RHODC beat you to that one.
Later, Janet meets a friend for lunch who apparently knows
everyone in Melbourne. We find out that this friend is the one who introduced
her to Pettifleur. However, if you recall, Janet said she knew no one in
Melbourne who had ever heard of Pettifleur… Hmm… Curious… Janet says now that
she knows more about Pettifleur, she’s realizing she’s just a strong woman, and
she is starting to understand her personality. Janet starts talking about the
drama and rumors surrounding Gamble, and her friend says she had also heard
similar rumors about Gamble.
Gamble asks Gina to have dinner with her. She hopes Gina can
give her some clarity in the Janet situation. She tells Gina the whole story of
what transpired at the infamous lunch with Chyka and Janet. Gina tells Gamble
that no matter how angry or hurt she gets, she should not tell rumors about
Janet because they’re unfounded and it’s mud slinging. Gina doesn’t understand
why Janet would bring this stuff up knowing that it could hurt Gamble’s
engagement. Gina asks Gamble if she would like her to talk to Janet on her
behalf. Gamble seems to think it would be a good idea; however, I think they’re
both insane. Nothing good can come from someone else butting into other
people’s problems… I speak from experience.
I will take this opportunity to give my opinion on the
Janet-Gamble situation. I really don’t care for Gamble… From what I’ve written
about her, I don’t think I’ve hidden that fact… But I really can’t stand Janet.
So I reluctantly am taking Gamble’s side on this one. Janet is trying to put
the blame on Chyka, and she claims she meant no malice toward bringing up the
rumors, but I don’t believe that at all. The manner in which she brought the
rumors to Gamble was accusatory and attacking. Furthermore, she knew that
Gamble had just gotten engaged, yet Janet chooses this time to bring up the
rumors. The timing and delivery do not coincide with how she is trying to paint
the picture of her intentions. If Janet were smart, like Chyka, she could have
pulled it off and appeared more innocent. She is obviously not cut out to play
the gossipy housewife game.
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